A Bleeding Issue of Unrequited Love

Father, I am getting impatient...
But this time, thanks to you, it is with myself!

Why are you heavy hearted? Why are you downcast?
Aren’t you loved by God? Don’t you love him above all others?

Even if the person you are interested in has showed no interest in you. Again. And yes, this is not the first time.
Although trying to laugh it off, you started to weep in your dream...

All the old questions such as if I am too old or not good enough or just too lonely... came back like exploitative relatives, unwelcome yet too familiar to be dismissed.

A good friend concluded you are far from handling this issue of yours.

I conceded. With humility and almost with humor.

Yet, seconds later, this impatience arose in my heart. In the hotness of my anger against my own vulnerability which is becoming ridiculous, I deleted the person's phone number and made a decision to invite my Father to completely cure me of the bleeding of my heart!

Are you not my creator, and the big doctor? Don’t I know that you love me so much that you want me to be whole and complete?
Are you not merciful?
Please start the process of healing me – like what you did for the bleeding woman who pushed against the crowd to get near you and touch the brim of your robe!
She had no connections. She spent all her money on impotent and probably false doctors. She might have had a history with men who gave her the unspeakable problem!

Just try not to imagine the humiliating doctor visits she must have gone through which proved to be more of torments than treatments.

A woman, who had been bleeding for years! How weak she was physically and how diffident spiritually! She had no friends to carry her to you, she had no parents or masters to plead on her behalf…she couldn’t even get a face to face audience, however briefly, but you gave her the courage, the faith and the little strength left of all which she applied to get close to you!

And Jesus was on the way to help someone else. She was not in the plan! She was not the priority. The other person was the beloved daughter of a beloved master of the synagogue. The father was desperate for his dying daughter and the crowds were urging Jesus to treat this as an urgency.
Compared with that, who is this chronic patient of a rather embarrassing sickness? And ceremonially unclean! Imagine the smell…imagine how hard it was for her to try to keep this to herself. (sometimes I suspect that I have the smell of someone lonely and worse suffering from a chronic disease called unrequited love)

Maybe she was too weak to go further or thought herself to be too insignificant to get the full attention of the Lord and maybe she would be considered too selfish trying to delay Jesus in his mission to rescue a young dying child.
Oh, rightly so, this obscure woman, we don’t even know her name.

But she had no doubt about the Lord’s power – “as long as I touch the fringe of his clothes”.
And she was not disappointed this time. The healing was immediate. No one knew but she herself and ...you.

Oh, Jesus, why did you seek her out? Why did you have to know who she is?
Nobody noticed this crawling creature but you sought her out and you gave her all the publicity that she didn't need and most likely tried best to avoid.
But you made her stand up and let her speak out.
At the end of it, you opened your mouth and called her "daughter"!
Oh, here, was a DAUGHTER too! The daughter of the most high, loved by her father who sent her his only begotten son as her savior!
You publicly announced not only her physical wholesomesomeness but that she could from now on have peace.
The touch of the fringe of your garment was enough to cure her bodily illness.
The light of your face gave her assurance of pardon and peace.
In her faith she saw your face.

A woman who suffered 12 years of bleeding and a girl who died at 12 years of age.
God had time and mercy enough for both.
Whichever case I am, there is no reason to worry.
Reset the clock! (as commanded by Marshal Pentecost)
A new era begins!